Monday, November 12, 2012

Trying to Be a Good Friend During the Hard Times

I don't know if everyone ages this way, but I'm always kind of surprised by the fact that I'm an adult. I still kind of feel like I'm faking it. And the truth is, I don't know what I'm doing. Recently, I've been hit with situation after situation that I don't know how to handle. Adult situations. Situations that have me sitting, thinking, wishing there was a manual. 

Earlier this year, my friend's long awaited for son died when he was five weeks old. Another friend was accused of a crime I am certain he didn't commit, but his lawyer thinks he will be convicted of anyway. Yet another friend is breaking her engagement and having to find a new job and move out of the home she shares with her fiance. My friend's, who I've known since I was twelve years old who used to be like a sister to me, husband is charged with a crime and being held in jail on one million dollar bond. Another friend is getting divorced after nine years of marriage.

My heart aches and aches and aches for them all, but I don't know how to respond. What do you say to someone whose life is ruined? How do you react when it might not get better? How can I be a good friend in uncharted territory?

I don't know. I don't know that I'll ever figure it out. I write short, awkward emails saying I'm sorry and that I support them. I send Facebook messages saying I just want to check in and that I'm thinking about them. It doesn't feel like enough, but I can't think of more. I don't feel like a good friend, but I'm trying.


  1. Wow. That is tough. I have no idea how you respond to those things! I think by reaching out and reminding them that you're still their friend, and thinking about them, probably does a lot for them, even if might not feel like it.

  2. I'm sorry. That all sounds awful. I don't have any advice either. I feel the same way when my friends face struggles. Wishing I could help, if not outright fix everything, then remembering that people don't want that, they just want someone to listen...

    Anyway. I'm sorry. Wish I had something better to say.

  3. Ugh. I try to throw stuff like this over to God and ask for help. It's heartbreaking and I know what you mean: I don't feel like an adult either. Sometimes I make bread and give it to people that are hurting - because it's elemental, homey, and made with love. . . but that doesn't always work for a situation. . .

  4. Those all sound like tough situations. I often feel the same way, I am not quite ready to deal with all this adult stuff. As far as the awkward emails go.. I think you've done the right thing, as long as you say something. Sending you some encouragement!


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