Saturday, July 31, 2010

In Which I Fail a Test

Earlier this week, I couldn't sleep. Chuk and I were...well, not fighting per se, but had been generally irritated by each other's presence for a couple of days and it was getting hard to take much more of. To complicate matters, my period was late, which I hadn't told him about since we weren't talking to each other very much.

I got up at 1:00 in the morning and walked into our second bedroom where Chuk was at his computer. I said, "I can't sleep. I have a lot on my mind."

He said, "Me too."

I asked, "Do you want to talk?" He did. So we talked for a little while about what was going on in our relationship. We hadn't really resolved anything, but he told me what was on his mind and then asked me what my thoughts were.

I said, "I think I'm pregnant." This was not how I imagined telling him. I started crying and we hugged. I told him that two months ago I would have been so happy if I was pregnant but now with things not so great for us I had been hoping for a week and a half I wasn't. He told me he hoped I was pregnant. (We purposely did not use contraception the night of the possible conception. We talked about it both before and after "the act" and we were both cool with it. So this isn't totally out of the blue, but I think it is probably always kind of a surprise no matter the circumstances.)

Then, in the middle of the night (it had to have been after 2:00 am) I sent him to the 24-hour CVS to buy a pregnancy test. He is awesome and did it. He came home and I took a test and it was negative. And even though I had been hoping it was negative, I was still kind of sad.

My period still hasn't started and I'm not really sure how I feel about it. On the one hand, it would suck if I was pregnant because we live in a very small apartment and I don't have a job, therefore we can't afford another person. On the other hand, it would be kind of rad because I don't have a job so I'd be able to spend a lot of time taking care of myself and the baby and I have been dreaming about having a baby recently.

To you parents out there, did you have mixed emotions upon becoming pregnant? I'm so worried this ambivalence isn't normal and means I'm going to be a bad mom or something. Also, when should I take another pregnancy test? Are pregnancy tests ever incorrectly negative? Do you know of any medical conditions that would cause my period to be two weeks late but exhibit no other symptoms? In short, do you think I'm pregnant or not?


  1. I haven't had this particular experience of attempting to get pregnant and waiting to see if it worked, but I get the mixed emotions. There have been a few times when the contraception may not have worked and my period was late and we had a scare. I guess you just have to know that things will happen as they're supposed to... I give the uncertainty to God and know that He'll give me what I'm supposed to have.

  2. I have had 4 pregnancies but only have two daughters. Our first daughter was sort of if we get pregnant we get pregant and did right away. by my dates the first night with contraceptives. My second pregnancy was surprise and I did not even know I was pregant until I miscarried. Our third pregnancy was not planned. Our first daughter had just turned one and we were going to wait until she was two to "try" again. We had another daughter. When our second daughter was 5 months old my dh went for a vasectomy. Low and behold we were pregant again, it was not good timing, no money to raise the two we had let alone a third. Unfortunately that pregancy ended in miscarriage as well. That miscarriage I felt really guilty because we had so many reasons to not get pregant again. So yes it is natural to have mixed feelings about being or not being pregant. Clare

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  4. Not that I've ever been pregnant before, but I DO think it's totally natural to have mixed emotions. It's such a big, life-changing thing, and some of the changes are good and some are bad.

    I think that stress and changes in your diet can affect your period. You should probably go to the doctor just to find out. And I am not trying to scare you or get your hopes up or anything, but I think pregnancy test negatives aren't always accurate. So definitely try again (I've heard the morning is the best time - there's a higher level of the pregnancy hormone in your pee or something.).

    Good luck, whatever happens!

  5. I've had a few scares where I hurriedly buy a stick and panic. I almost always have mixed emotions. It has never been positive -- but sometimes I find myself wanting it.


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