Monday, November 23, 2009

Are You Freaking Kidding Me: Skinny Jeans

As a friend, I need to tell you something. Take off those skinny jeans. They don’t look good on you. How do I know this? Because they don’t look good on anybody. Seriously.

If I was Jerry Seinfeld, here’s how the routine would go. (Pretend I’m doing his voice too.) “What’s the deal with skinny jeans? Your thighs to look like two sausages making out.”

When skinny jeans first came out, stylists said they were just for the skinniest of people who were trying to give themselves the illusion of curves. Now, they’re saying they’re flattering on anybody. Oh please. If you believe that, you need to get your eyes checked.

99.9% of the women I see wearing skinny jeans look terrible. We’re talking about real women with average bodies, not supermodels whose bodies are anatomical anomalies. Skinny jeans make you look heavier than you are. Plus, they make you walk funny and make you more likely to contract a urinary tract infection. You wouldn’t wear tapered jeans, right? Well, skinny jeans are like tapered jeans on steroids.

I say, let this trend pass you by. When you’re looking at pictures of yourself and your friends in five years, you’ll be glad you did.


  1. Hilarious and totally true...except for ONE 13 year old daughter has a pair...but she ways around 70 pounds. I think they look cute on her with furry boots and a long sweater.
    But that's it.
    They sell them for men...did you know that?
    Even more hilarious.

  2. My husband, who is the calmest person I know, gets visibly angry when he sees men in skinny jeans. It's ridiculous.

  3. For me, I'd say absolutely NO!

    I used to think I didn't want any, but now I'm addicted. Totally guilty.

  4. I also used to mock the skinny jeans, but alas, I am a sell-out. HOWEVER, I recognize thst I am not 15 and I always wear long sweaters and/or tunics over them. I also like a knee high boot over them. So...just to clarify, it's not like I'm flaunting my magnified booty to the world for no reason. Because there is no reason for that.

  5. Haha, I totally wear them, but know what you mean. I probably DO look heavier in them, but for some reason they make me feel less frumpy than boot cut jeans. I have jean issues right now (sigh).


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