Monday, November 9, 2009

Survey: Wedding Attendant Duties

I’m curious; what did you ask your wedding attendants to help you with at your wedding? We only had two official attendants at our wedding, my sister and Chuk’s former roommate, whose wedding we just attended. We did have three readers and an usher though. We asked the maid of honor and best man to give toasts at the wedding, but otherwise, we asked nothing of anyone. My hero, Miss Manners, says it is the job of bridesmaids to calm the bride’s nerves and tell her she looks beautiful, and the job of the groomsmen to dance with any single ladies at the reception.

We took that message to heart and asked our attendants only for their support. We didn’t even ask them to buy new clothes. We told the women involved they could wear any dress as long as it wasn’t black or white. (One of them, my sister-in-law, wore a white dress anyway. Don’t get me started. I’m still bitter!) We asked the guys to wear a black suit and white shirt (we asked ahead of time to make sure they all had these already) and we gave them silk ties to wear with the suits.

While I realize we may have been at one end of the spectrum, I feel like the wedding we went to this weekend was at the other end of the spectrum, but I’m not sure and that’s why I want your input. Here’s the story:

Chuk was the only groomsmen. There were two bridesmaids. I was not in the wedding party at all. Chuk was told (not asked) to: set up the furniture at the reception venue, bring cases of soda and beer to the reception venue, clean the couple’s house, clean out their cats’ litter boxes, pick up the rental car, throw a bachelor party, iron the groom’s wedding clothes, drive the couple from the ceremony to the reception (while I traveled alone and was date-less at the cocktail hour), and clean up after the reception, all this in addition to the more traditional duties of being responsible for the rings, bringing the marriage license, and giving a speech. I was even told to make a furniture plan for the reception so that everything flowed (which Chuk and I later executed), make the centerpieces, help clean their house, bring the programs to the ceremony, and clean up after the reception.

Is this normal? I didn’t say anything at the time, but it left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Chuk is a very laid-back person and I feel like they took advantage of that. They didn’t even give him an attendant gift.

Ok. So give me your honest opinions please. If you tell me I’m crazy (and I haven’t had much sleep since Wednesday night, so that’s a distinct possibility) then I’ll let it go. If not, then I’ll probably be irritated about it for a week and then still let it go, but I’ll feel justified in getting my feathers ruffled.

1 comment:

  1. Hmm- that sounds like a lot of stuff- but when I think back to my roles in my sister's wedding I did a lot of that. But it didn't seem like a burden- I was happy to be able to help in some way. But mostly selfishly- so she wouldn't turn into a bridzilla . . . = )

    I don't know. I tend to come from a family that likes to do a lot of stuff themselves- like catering our own food at my wedding- and everything. So I am not sure I am a good person to ask.


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